You found something. A browser history, a message, a charge on a card, or he told you himself. Since then you may not be sleeping. You may be checking his phone and replaying what you found. Landmark Christian Counseling offers betrayal trauma therapy in Ventura and online anywhere in California. It is Spencer Posey’s practice. He is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT #141641) and a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT).
What betrayal trauma is
A spouse’s discovery of hidden sexual behavior produces symptoms that look like trauma. Intrusive thoughts. Hypervigilance. Checking. Trouble sleeping.
Jennifer Freyd’s “Betrayal Trauma” (1996) explains why. The more a person depends on the one who did the harm, the deeper the injury. The person you would turn to for comfort is the person who caused the injury.
You did not cause the behavior and you cannot fix it. Checking, anger and the need to know everything are responses to being deceived. At Landmark they are treated as responses to injury.
Who this page is for
A spouse who found pornography, an affair, or another hidden sexual behavior.
A spouse who has heard the truth in pieces and no longer knows what to believe.
A husband whose wife is in this place and who wants to know what she needs.
A pastor or friend looking for a referral for someone they care about.
What the work addresses
The first weeks. Work, children and a household still need you while your mind is on what you found. Early sessions aim at steadiness before any decision about the marriage.
The whole truth. Learning it in pieces reopens the injury each time. Formal disclosure is a structured, therapist-guided process. Its purpose is to end discovery in pieces. It is a tool Spencer may use when it fits, and the couple chooses whether to use it.
The images and memories that keep returning. Spencer is trained in EMDR and may use it when the assessment points that way.
Forgiveness and trust. They are different things. If you have been told to forgive and move on, Landmark does not work that way. Forgiveness is yours to give. Trust is rebuilt by what he does, over time.
Decisions about the marriage. Some marriages rebuild and some do not. The aim is that you make informed decisions with accurate information.
Christian counseling after betrayal
Landmark is a Christian practice. Spencer believes that Christ is the source of healing and that clinical treatment is one of the means He uses. Clients who are not Christians are welcome and receive the same care.
Spencer believes Scripture treats sexual betrayal as a breach of covenant, and that grief over it is not a failure of faith.
Why you may see a different therapist than your husband
A betrayed spouse needs her own clinician. Spencer may work with you individually, or he may refer you to a partner specialist so that you and your husband each have your own clinician. Couples work comes later, after each person is steadier and the truth is on the table.
If your husband needs treatment for compulsive sexual behavior, see porn and sex addiction therapy. For couples after an affair, see infidelity counseling.
What the first sessions look like
Every plan comes out of the assessment. The first session or two is spent on what you found, how you learned it, how you are sleeping and functioning, and what you need to know next. For couples, Spencer meets with both partners and then with each alone.
In person in Ventura and online across California
Landmark’s office is at 1560 East Main Street, Ventura, CA 93001. Online sessions are available to anyone located in California. Online works well for a partner who wants her own therapist and lives far from Ventura.
Who provides it
Spencer Posey, LMFT #141641, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT).
CSAT is a credential issued by the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP). It means a licensed clinician has completed IITAP’s training and supervision in the assessment and treatment of compulsive sexual behavior, including work with partners and formal disclosure. Spencer is also trained in EMDR and in PACT, a couples model.
Read more
When You Are the One Who Was Hurt: Betrayal Trauma Support for Partners in Ventura
Betrayal Trauma vs. PTSD: What Partners of Sex Addicts Actually Experience
I Just Found Out My Husband Is Addicted to Porn: Considerations for Betrayed Partners
Should I Stay or Go? A Betrayed Partner’s Guide to Counseling in Ventura
What Is Formal Disclosure Therapy? The Clinical Process Explained
Frequently asked questions
Is betrayal trauma a diagnosis?
No. It is a term from Jennifer Freyd’s research for the injury caused when someone you depend on deceives or harms you. It is not listed in the DSM-5. The assessment looks at the symptoms you have.
Can I come if my husband will not get help?
Yes. A betrayed partner’s symptoms need their own treatment, whether or not he starts his.
Will you tell me to stay or to leave?
No. That decision is yours. The aim is that you make it with accurate information.
Do I have to be a Christian to work with you?
No. Landmark is a Christian practice and Spencer’s faith is stated openly. Clients of any background or no faith are welcome.
Do you take insurance?
Yes. Landmark accepts Aetna, Anthem Blue Cross, UnitedHealthcare/Optum, Carelon Commercial and Lyra Health (EAP). Coverage and any out-of-pocket cost depend on your plan and must be confirmed before your first appointment. Without insurance, a 50-minute session is $225. If you have a different plan with out-of-network benefits, it may reimburse part of the fee. You can check your benefits before you book.
Start
Call or text (805) 399-0223, or book an appointment. A free 15-minute consultation is available if you want to ask questions first.
Spencer Posey, LMFT #141641 | CSAT
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Landmark Christian Counseling | landmarkchristiancounseling.com
Educational content, not therapy. No therapist-client relationship is formed by reading this. In crisis, call or text 988.